Whether we want to admit it or not , we all damage our kids. From the argument over money right in front of them , or dealing with them sharply for no other reason than you’re not in the mood” to deal with with them – we damage them. Granted , these things wont scar them for life but they certainly have influence over who they become. We all do it , and there is no way to avoid it – we are human , and we are flawed… we too , are damaged.
It’s a hard thing to admit.
I woke up from a sound sleep this morning at 2 a.m with this sobering thought and wrestled with myself for an hour before I could get back to sleep. Have I REALLY done the best I can with my kids? I’m already aware of mistakes I made with my oldest ,but the truth is – I couldn’t be happier with who she is right now.. She is confident , smart ,talented and beautiful – not mention armed with a quick wit that allows her to hang with ANY of her older boy cousins and absolutely SLAY them when necessary! She is INCREDIBLE and I love her more than I can express – but do I deserve credit for that? I have given her many reasons to fail because of my own damage and yet she continues to blossom…
But , what about my son? – The day I found out we were having a boy , it literally paralyzed me…. I was scared to death… How was I supposed to raise this baby boy into a GOOD man , when I wasn’t even sure myself if I was a good man?.. and then it hit me ,like it always does. I’m usually a little late to the party and this was NO exception –
God has given me EVERYTHING I need to raise my kids right in SPITE of who I am or fail to be …This sobering thought brought me to where I should have already been – My knees.
As I prayed that afternoon , I asked God to help me help him and my daughter.. To help me become the man I want my son to model after ….and to become the kind of man my daughter will look for in a husband one day.. To help me be the husband I should be to my wife so that we together can be a model of what BOTH of our kids will look to for future relationships and NOT what the entertainment world says relationships are, but what GOD says they are!! Help me be the kind of man that despite my own damage and despite my own flaws – raise good children ,who will raise good children that will raise good children!!
To be the kind of man who can say he is sorry when he is wrong ,and forgive himself so he doesn’t drag that baggage into the equation as well… because THAT’S where all the damage we do comes from ANYWAY…
The truth is , God must be part of the equation with parenting – just like he should be with marriage. So on the days when I screw up , and the days when I get it wrong and the days when I have messed it all up – it all stays together IN SPITE of my best efforts to tear it apart…
I still pray that God will help me be that kind of man.
As we go through life ,we continue to grow…. We continue to learn.. and with learning comes mistakes. If you’re not making mistakes , you’re not learning – its part of it… But if you continue to make the same mistakes , you have missed the lesson and aren’t growing at all. As a parent , my worst fear is that I will do more damage than good to my kids – That as a human being capable of error , I may fail…But this has been my biggest failure by FAR.
Why ? Because fear is only an outward sign of distrust and if I trust my God the way I say I do , then I have NOTHING to fear..
The reality is , I’m a good parent … My kids are proof of this… My kids are proof that my wife and I despite our flaws , we are doing it right… Our kids sleep more sound than anything I can think of because they KNOW they are loved…and they ,with God’s help will turn out not undamaged or unscathed – but physically and emotionally and most importantly SPIRITUALLY healthy!! In a single word – GOOD…
It is my hope that yours do too..
In the face of our flaws and mistakes , God forgives us – so forgive yourself also… Trust in him and HIS way and any fear of being a less than perfect parent will leave you. … We may not be perfect , but HE IS….. And he don’t make no JUNK.
As always – the invitation to study the bible is open. We can study anything you like , trust – it’s all in there no matter what it is.
Read – Ephesians 6:4,Proverbs 1:8-9 ,Psalms 127:3-5 ,Deuteronomy 7:14 and Proverbs 22:6