Lessons from My Son : “Thank You Daddy ” …The Love of a Father

WP_000463This will be the last entry in this series, although it wont be the last about my son or either of my kids. I started this series a couple of months ago for a couple of reasons . One reason is that my son truly has been and continues to be a teacher in my life … I preached many sermons inspired by him and blogged even more … He and his older sister have been the greatest gauge or thermometer as to how my wife and I are doing as parents. (I don’t blog much about my daughter because she is 14 and has asked me not to – my son however is just learning to read , so I have more leverage with him..) At any rate , the main reason simple – I love him. I love he and my daughter both with an indescribable love  ..A love too big for words or too vast for description. I believe that the love I have for my kids could never be captured by definition , or I did until recently .. Once again , life had thrown itself at my son and we were forced to deal with it head on , and by HIS example – I was the student  , and he the teacher.

A couple of weeks ago , my son fell out of the bed. This particular night I had fallen asleep on the couch and my son was in bed with my wife , so in true form I slept through the entire event . My wife , the quintessential care taker she is , handled the whole event and I was never awoken. Upon waking up the next morning  ,we realized that Kole was going to probably need stitches.He had hit the side of his face above his ear on the bed frame and it was laid open about a half an inch. It was too big to let heal on its own but we  , like always had some obstacles. It was Sunday morning – I had to preach and urgent care didn’t open until 1 P. M. Preaching doesn’t come with insurance (although, 3 weeks later I do now have it) but the emergency room was out of the question. It wasn’t an emergency ,but it was going to need attention. SO  – I went on to Worship , and Kelly and Kole stayed home.

After returning from worship , a quick bite to eat  and then on to get stitches for Kole. Needless to say , Kole was very concerned about where we were going and what they (the doctors) were going to do to him. I assured him that whatever it was , it would be right and it would be for the best and that NO MATTER WHAT – I would be there with him… No matter what.

Once inside the Urgent Care Center , the waiting game started to take its toll on Kole and his fear of what was to come and clung to me like bark clings to trees – Concern had become fear and fear had become dread   to an all seeking comfort and protection from whatever scenarios were playing out in his head. As much as I wanted to tell him that I could guarantee him no pain , I knew that would be a lie and couldn’t. I knew that to keep his trust ,  honesty was the only thing I could give him and then be there to comfort him and console him. Too many parents lie to their children in hopes of creating security by telling them”this wont hurt a bit” and then destroying the trust between them , because it DID in fact – hurt!  Truly loving your kids begins with honesty ,not deceit…

After what seemed like an eternity , it was finally time.

As he laid up on the table ,he shook all over… I squeezed his hand and told him to look at me , to stay focused on me and that soon it would be over. As the doctor cleaned the wound and applied anesthetic to numb the pain that was coming , his little body jerked with every poke and probe  and cries of pain filled the tiny room .”Just look at me Kole , just look at me , Focus on Me” I told him repeatedly  , trying to sooth and comfort him in his distress . Tears streamed from both of our eyes as the doctor stitched up his wound because he could still feel the prick of the needle each time it entered his skin and I , I could feel every stick of the needle right with along with him because I was there with him – not just physically , but in that pain and fear we were bonded together . Bonded because he was enduring it , and bonded because I wanted so badly to take it from him .. If it would have been possible to take his pain , I would have in a second…

That’s when it hit me.

In the book of Matthew  , we read in chapter 27 verse 46 that Jesus cried out “My God, My God – why have you forsaken me?” . It has been taught by me and others that God , for the first time ever in eternity  -turned his back on his son because he could couldn’t look at the sin of the world That had been “laid upon him”.. That he abandoned him and left him there to die on the cross to fulfill the sacrifice necessary for you and I to enter heaven though him ,by our confession of faith ,repentance and baptism into him then also dying to ourselves to rise agin in his resurrection… I still believe that , now more than ever – but I’m not convinced anymore that God left him. Another preacher and good friend pointed out to me that the concept of “laid our sins on Him” and “He became sin for us” was that Jesus was our sin offering and that the guilt of sin was laid on Him, since sins (transgressions) cannot be “laid” on anyone. He also pointed out that if Jesus was defiled with our sins, He would be a blemished sacrifice and unworthy of being offered. It made a lot of sense but especially the point that Jesus is the offering and is an unblemished lamb. So there was nothing for God to look away from. ALSO, I took the “God had to look away” without digging in. God looks upon the world every day and yet it is filled with sin. He had close relationships with the patriarchs who were imperfect men. In fact, the Holy Spirit filled people who committed sin (as in the High Priest who spoke by inspiration about killing Jesus).

The second thing was that if God abandoned Jesus in His point of greatest need while fulfilling the plan of God, what hope do I have ? You see , while Christ suffering and death was absolutely necessary for our salvation and his will to be accomplished and couldn’t be done any other way , I don’t believe that God left him there ,alone. I believe that while  Christ was enduring the unendurable ,his father was there , telling his son “Just look at me son , just look at me , Focus on Me” and that he felt every cut and probe that entered his sons skin , just like I did with mine. I could not stop my sons pain and he had to endure the suffering  – but I never abandoned him while he was going through the pain. Taking Matthew 27 and Psalm 22 together, I see such a relationship between the Father and His Beloved Son: He allowed Him to suffer but did not turn His face from Him.

The very  thought of God turning his back on His Son as He carried the sins of the world  is creates a chilling and moving scene in our minds eye ,Psalm 22  teaches clearly  that it did not happen. God was with His Son in as he bore the sins of the world and died on the cross , but because of his love  –  a fathers love  , he allowed him to go through it all because it was what was NECESSARY … and I don’t doubt for a second if our Father in heaven could have taken the pain away from HIS son , then he would have.. Just like I would have for MINE.

When it was all over, and the doctors left the room , I just held him.

After a few moments  ,my son whispered 3 words I didn’t expect from him that day – “Thank you Daddy”…

I wasn’t sure at first why he thanked me ,but I supposed it was for being there when he needed me. I suppose  , though scripture doesn’t  say this , that Jesus and his father may have had a similar moment once his ordeal was said and done ?  Thanking him when he needed HIM the most? I don’t know that for a fact and it is just an opinion , but I do know that true comfort from all suffering will be in the arms of our heavenly father one day  , and I cant wait to be there to tell him “Thank you “as well..

Until them I can thank him daily for many things and many blessing ,but none quite so much as my son Kole  who has helped me see the God that I serve in the Lessons he has taught  me though him..

And None at all like his son  ,Jesus who suffered and died so that I can also know  – A fathers love.

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Lessons From My Son – “Value and Cost – I wanna be like you Daddy!”

Kole

I think it is probably safe to say that every boy at some point in his life has wanted to do what his dad does for a living. If you think about it , it’s almost expected –  the father son dynamic is such that the son’s main influence in his life , will be his father… Or at least it should be.  I pray that will always be the case with my son … It’s a sobering thought that continues to encourage me to give strict diligence to strive to be the man who my son “thinks”I  am… One day , he will figure out that I too am human ,not invincible ,bulletproof or immune to everything scary and dangerous ,but in fact  – a fragile vulnerable and flawed man – insecure about his image and struggles with his weight , scared at times and not nearly as cool as he thinks he is… Until that day comes however , I AM THE MAN… in my son’s eyes anyway…

That being said , the most important thing I can do for my son  – either for a living or other  – is to recognize the times when he needs me , and fulfill the need . Biblically speaking , we see this time and time again between Jesus and God  , but probably the most visible is in the Garden.. I have heard it said many times that Jesus was sorrowful the most- not because of the cross -but because of the fact that he would face it alone. – In the Garden where Jesus prayed he needed his father and wanted desperately to please him   – no matter the COST …Be cause God deemed us VALUABLE.(Matthew 26:36-42)

… Which finally will bring me to the lesson about “Cost” and “Value” that my son taught me..

I had grown to hate the Holidays… 2 years ago , I wasn’t preaching fulltime yet and had been out of work for several months. We managed to get by with what money I could make doing side work and odd jobs for cash for people. The winter was about to set in and I knew the slow season would be upon us. You see , not only does the work slow down for the winter in the construction industry – the people who do have money are not going to spend it on an out of work construction guy ,but rather family and friends for the Holidays… Unexpectedly , an opportunity to paint the inside of a woman’s home  came up. I hate to paint more than just about everything else ,but I couldn’t turn down the work – Remember , the Holidays were upon us and I needed to do my best to provide some sense of normalcy for my family – if not gifts , having the power on during the Holidays would be nice , and if possible – a gift or two for my kids…

The job was torture – it was a painters nightmare.

All of the furniture had to be moved around , covered  , protected etc.. To add insult to injury , the paint the homeowner selected was the worst quality ever and went on the walls with the consistency of water.To get done in a timely manner and to make sure that the job was profitable – I decided I would work long hours to shorten the amount of days…So ,long,long hours were worked. I was up and gone before either of my kids were awake and not home until well after they had gone to bed…But I kept focused ,telling myself that this was “for them”.. After 2 weeks of this , the inevitable happened – I being completely exhausted – overslept…

In my frantic hurry to get out the door , I nearly tripped over Kole as he excitedly came to greet me from his bedroom door ..”DADDY!” he exclaimed… “Hey bud“I sleepily responded as I was quickly headed to the living room to put on my shoes. Kole followed close behind and in usual form hitting me  with barrage of questions. As I tried to answer them the best I could  , it was clear that I was distracted  and only half way paying attention when he  then stop right in front of me and asked  of  me  this – “daddy, don’t go to work today“… Still tying my shoes I responded ” I have to bud..” .. “Why” he replied… becoming more frustrated with the situation I responded sharply with “ because I HAVE to  – we need money”... He then turned ,  and ran back to his room. I sat there wondering if I had responded rashly and hoped I hadn’t hurt his feelings … I hadn’t seen him at all in the better part of 2 weeks so I knew I needed to apologize.

As I got up from the couch and began to head down the hall ,he greeted me in the hallway , holding his piggy bank in his little hands and looking directly at me with his big brown eyes and smiling so proud. “Here daddy – you can have my money…Stay with me ?”

My knees buckled , and I hit the floor… I wrapped my arms around him and  held him , then began to cry.

My son taught me a most valuable lesson that late fall morning. He taught me that the most important things in this life are not what most of us think they are.  As I was working my self to death , I was neglecting my family for a job that only required that much of my time because  I deemed it necessary  …My son offered to buy  MY time with him because that’s what  he thought it “Cost”..In those two weeks and probably more preceding it , I taught him that – and I was wrong. My son needed me and sought to pay the price to have me , because to him – I was “Valuable” and in doing so exposed a part of myself that once I recognized ,needed to change.

Once again he was the teacher ,and I was the student. His Lions Heart ,in true form ,exposed me and ripped me to shreds… And I am thankful for that  , and him. He taught me the true meaning of “Value” and “Cost”…

Needless to say , I took that day off and gave myself fully to him.. We played  , we watched movies and of course – we took a much-needed nap  ,but we took it together 😉

Since then , Kole and I have had many conversations about my job and the differences between what I used to do , and what I am privileged to do now.. “SO you don’t , fix people’s houses anymore” ..”No Bud , I don’t” … “Do you still help people though?”…”I hope so , I certainly try! “… 

“Daddy , I want to do what you do when I grow up… I wanna be like you!”

… “Yea Bud ? , Well – I wanna be more like you KOLE …  😉 “

The value of the time with my son (and daughter) is most precious and God appointed by scripture – NO MATTER THE COST.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127:3-5, ESV)